I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Randomize
