He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
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Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
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I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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