I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Randomize
