the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
