This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
