you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
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he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
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I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
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