The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
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