walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Randomize
