i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
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