I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
