my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
