so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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