My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
