I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Randomize
