for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Who died my cat blue again?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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