btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
