handjob tips. give me some.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
