I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
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The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
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That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?