peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
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she fell through a window trying to flash someone
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
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2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.