I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
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The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
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She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.