Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.