The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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