he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
21 Times Karma Showed These People Not to Mess Around
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.