dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Randomize
