I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
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Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
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New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.