Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after