Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I will be naked everywhere
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Randomize
