I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
