i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
