I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
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