i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
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Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
The Olympian is in my bed
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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