he shaved USA in his pubs
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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