I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
