You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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