i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
