somebody snuck up and got me drunk
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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