If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
