My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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