Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
