i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
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