i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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