so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
My vagina just recognized that song.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
