woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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