Whats the glycemic index on semen?
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
