I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
