Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
