Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
