Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Randomize
