Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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