I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
