I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
