he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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