is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
