So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
