Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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