So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
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