I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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