You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Randomize
