I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize