its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
