$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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