how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
