So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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