Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
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I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
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The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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