the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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