god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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