I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
