A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Randomize
