He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
Randomize
