Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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